How I Did It - Part 1: What I Ate & How I Exercised to Lose Over 150 Pounds

The first thing everyone asks is how I did it.  

They want the practical, how-can-I-duplicate-your-steps answer. Of course, it was so much more than just what I ate and how I exercised, but these are simpler questions to answer, so I'll tackle them first. :)

Before jumping into what finally worked for me, I want to back up and review the things that did NOT work for me. I have tried many, many different ways of eating and exercising in literally decades of dieting.  And a couple did give me successful results, at least for a while, but then ultimately ended up in the plans-that-don't-work pile. 

Like that famous diet plan with the commercials with the famous people and the weekly meetings... not naming names, but I counted and banked points to the tune of 77 pounds lost in a year. That plan taught me how to game the system, and put me into a cycle of undereating and overexercising in order to "earn" a binge.

Not a great plan for a food addict like me. 

Here's why: I planned those weekly binges so meticulously... All week long, I would shave calories wherever I could and gleefully record them so I could put them towards my weekly foodfest. Would it be an Italian-style feast this week? A huge bag of take-out Chinese food? How many forms of chocolate could I include in one dessert?

That kind of cycle is guaranteed disaster for a binge eater. 

The best way I can explain the addiction is this: After my twins were born, I was on a post-c-section morphine drip. It was on a timer, so no matter how many times I pressed the button, it would only dispense a dose every 6 minutes. Of course I pressed the button more often than that, but the machine made me wait at least 6 minutes between fixes.

Applying that mindset to my weekly binges, there was no machine keeping me in check. Binge eating has always been my morphine, and eventually I just needed to hit that button more than once weekly. In retrospect, it was almost kind of amazing that I lasted a year before succumbing completely to my old habits.

And all the lost weight returned, with interest.

After that experience, a couple of years passed before I was ready to try again. I decided to go seriously hardcore. I had given a great deal of thought to the concept of addiction, and designed an eating and exercise plan with that in mind. How could I make my addictive personality work for me, instead of against me?

I thought of AA, where alcoholics have to quit cold turkey. There's no weekly bar night as a reward for staying sober the rest of the week. And while I couldn't quit eating, I could quit using food as a drug. I could stop eating for pleasure.

Food was to be viewed only as fuel. No treats. Very low fat. Dry whole grains. Absolutely no dairy. I have no idea how many calories I was eating during that time, but I am certain that it was dangerously low.

Part 2 of this brilliant plan was to actively replace my food addiction with an exercise addiction. Intense cardio every day, for several hours a day. At least twice a day, sometimes 3 times. And in addition to that, every time I wanted to eat for pleasure, I would do some kind of physical exercise instead. Walk around the block. Run up and down the stairs.

I was a machine, with only one purpose - to lose fat.

And lose fat, I did. I lost 100 pounds in under 10 months. And while it didn't technically kill me, there did come a day when I literally could not do it anymore. The machine broke down.  Everything just collapsed. I went back to food, I stopped exercising... I did make a few half-hearted attempts to revive my efforts, but couldn't last more than a few days before relapsing. And I put on so much weight, so quickly. 

I gained 135 pounds before I found the strength to try again.

The reasons this kept happening - why nothing had ever worked and nothing could ever work - will be addressed in the Part 2 of this How I Did It series. But for now we're talking nutrition and exercise, so I'll continue with that piece of the story.

The Part You've Been Waiting For: How I Did It The Time That It Actually Worked

When I began this most recent attempt on March 21, 2011, I just did what I had done the last time. Low calorie, low fat, whole grains, lots of cardio. Hey, I knew it would work, and I had gotten so huge, I just needed something to work.

I focused on the math of weight loss. I had downloaded MyFitnessPal, an app for my phone for tracking my meals, and I soon realized that there was a full site associated - MyFitnessPal.com, with blogs and message boards, and I started using those resources as well.

I'm not going to lie - I lost weight pretty quickly by exploiting that math. Steep caloric deficit, multiple daily high intensity cardio sessions... That'll take a lot of fat off of a severely overweight body.

I lasted almost 3 months before I felt myself start to break down. I had lost almost 50 pounds, but I knew that I couldn't keep it up much longer. And I was scared. I didn't want to fail again.

I was clicking around the message boards on MyFitnessPal on the evening of June 14, 2011, and I came across a post that mentioned "eating Primal". The author of the post mentioned that this way of eating is based around controlling one's insulin response, and is helping a lot of people who have insulin resistance-related issues, like diabetes and metabolic syndrome and PCOS.

This immediately got my attention - I was dignosed with PCOS in my 20s, my father is a diabetic, and I had been told years earlier that I was pre-diabetic as well. And with my huge round belly shape, I was pretty much a textbook picture of insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome.

Left, the actual textbook picture. Right, a very "centrally obese" (and shamefully headless) me.

The post referenced marksdailyapple.com - run by Mark Sisson, who wrote a book called The Primal Blueprint. So I headed straight to that site. It's really well-organized, and I just devoured the information presented. What I loved immediately is that the entire lifestyle is addressed. There are nutritional and exercise components, of course, and also other important aspects, like play and rest.

Side note: Primal is really a variant of Paleo... Primal is a bit more permissive, including some dairy, and dark chocolate, for instance. 

Anyway, I spent hours clicking around marksdailyapple that night, and the more I read, the more it resonated with me. I made myself a deal - 30 days, perfectly Primal, and then on day 31, I would reassess.

As it turned out, I didn't need 30 days. I knew almost instantly that I had found something that would work for me.

Yes, I had eliminated specific categories of food from my diet, but there were so many delicious things that were completely sanctioned. I ate steak, and burgers. and bacon and eggs. I cooked my veggies in butter. I drank my coffee with cream. And I had dark chocolate every single night.

I didn't feel deprived, and so I didn't feel driven to binge. 

I was similarly in love with the Primal exercise plan. In simple terms, it recommends 2-3 days of strength training, a sprint or internal training session once every week to 10 days, and at least 3-5 hours a week of low intensity steady state cardio, like a moderately paced walk, or easy bike ride.

I felt amazing, I was eating delicious food, and the weight was literally melting off of me. In the first 6 months of living a Primal lifestyle, I lost 73 pounds.

I learned how to make Primal/Paleo versions of pizza, brownies, cookies, pancakes for occasional treats made with healthier ingredients that still tasted great, and wouldn't make me feel awful.

All Paleo or Primal - all made by me with recipes I found on Pinterest - all super-yummy

So how long did I stick with it? 

Well, for the entire first year, I stuck to Primal eating. Completely. No days off. I honestly didn't feel driven to do so, because I was so happy with how I was eating and how I felt.

I started having occasional non-Primal treats after that first year. Not all the time, and not on a schedule, but just when there was something that I knew I would savor and enjoy.

What's amazing, though, is that most of the foods I'd once thought I could never live without - no longer interest me at all. Potato chips, for example. Or pasta. I don't even understand the draw of pasta at all anymore. It's just a delivery device for the other flavors on the plate, so who needs it, really?

So it's now been over 4 years since I found marksdailyapple and began my Primal/Paleo ways, and I'm still happily on board. In this time I've gone back and forth through the nutritional landscape - sometimes I cut dairy for a while and skew more towards "Paleo", and I've done the Whole30 three times, which is VERY strict Paleo. Mostly I'm Primal, as I do like a bit of dairy and dark chocolate. And sometimes I eat pizza and ice cream. Not super-often, but not once-in-a-blue-moon rarely, either.

The thing is - I just feel better when I eat healthy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. So for the majority of the time, that's what I choose to do.

And that brings me to date on the nutrition piece of "How I Did It".

On the exercise side of things, I've switched that around along the way as well.

At the very beginning, all I could do was walk, or use an elliptical machine. I was too heavy for my joints to handle anything more. But I was working to the best of my ability at the time, and it was enough to keep the weight dropping.

Slowly but surely, I got lighter and stronger.

Confession: For the first 6 months of my Primal lifestyle, I didn't really keep up with the 2-3 times of weekly strength training. I didn't like it - I preferred a brisk walk, so that's what I did.

Once I got a little smaller, I started jogging. Through MyFitnessPal, I learned about a popular program called Couch to 5K, and I followed that program to increase my jogging distance.

Within a couple of months, I ran my first 5K race, and enjoyed that experience enough to sign up for a race series which would culminate in a 10K.

But I knew that I was missing the strength training piece, and it bothered me. So, never one to do anything halfway, I joined a Crossfit gym.

It was a great "box", as they're called. I had never done any Olympic weightlifting before, so I was really out of my depth, but I was determined and the coaches there were really excellent. Plus it was such a warm and welcoming community. (Shout out to Crossfit Merrick!!) I spent 6 months there, during the same time that I was training for that 10K.

Once I ran the 10K, I decided to aim for a half-marathon, and I left the Crossfit box to focus on that. My plan was to train for and run the half-marathon, and then rejoin Crossfit.

I ran the Diva Half on October 7, 2012.

It was an incredible experience, and an amazing accomplishment. And I never wanted to do it again.

Look, I wanted to run because I wanted to love running... but I don't. And I had learned by then that I would never succeed by doing things that I didn't want to do.

The plan had been to go back to Crossfit, but I had joined another local gym to train for the half, and I still had a few months left on that membership. I didn't want to pay for two memberships at the same time, but neither do I like to waste time. So I started looking for a strength training program to follow until my membership expired.

Enter Fitocracy.com. Fitocracy is a site and an app for fitness tracking, and like MyFitnessPal, it has a community aspect that was very informative and supportive. 

I had just discovered the site, and the timing proved sublime, as they were just launching their online group fitness programs, one of which focused on strength training for fat loss. It was 4 months in length - which just happened to be the exact amount of time I had left on my gym membership. Perfect.

That Group Fitness Program was called "Sixteen Weeks to Sexy", and it was led by John Romaniello. The group was moderated on a daily basis by Roman's right-hand bro at the time, one Mike Vacanti. 

The program itself was incredible. The workouts were well-designed, and I saw results right away. And I loved the online group fitness concept, which provided accountability and community support, but still allowed me to do the workouts on the days and times most convenient to my life, without tying me to a class schedule. 

That community introduced me to people who have become my Fitness Gurus. Roman and Mike, of course (more on Mike in a minute), but also, Roman happens to be married to the beautifully kind and inspiring Neghar Fonooni, from whom I learned the graceful badassery of kettlebell work, while encouraged to grow my mindset of self-love and gratitude. From following Neghar, I found Jen Sinkler - who, when asked what she does for cardio, famously answered, "I lift weights faster." 

Yes, the plan had been to go back to Crossfit, but plans change, and I believe strongly that success requires being open to change when new information is presented. 

By the time that 16-week program ended, I had truly fallen in love with the weight room. I loved what it did for my shape - I was leaner than I had been when I was running all the time - but more than that, I loved how it felt. Such POWER. I wanted to continue with that work.

The end of that program was right before my birthday that year, and so I decided that as a present to myself, I would schedule 4 personal training sessions with Mike Vacanti, who lives and works in nearby New York City. It turned out to be the best present of my life, because Mike Vacanti is THE BEST. As a fitness trainer, as a health coach, and as a human being. 

I love Mike for his mind, not his shirtless Instagram selfies.

Soon after, I started online coaching with Mike. We still had an occasional in-person training sessions - to which I would bring him homemade meals. Soon after, he started training my son, Max, too. I respect the hell out of him, and am so grateful to have him as my coach and friend. (And I'm beyond honored that he recently published an article I wrote on his site.) 

I am lucky enough that I still get to work out with Mike once in a while, but as for programs, I've been working through some others recently. I did Neghar's Lean & Lovely Kettlebell program, which is fantastic, and right now I'm in the middle of Super Heroine Fitness, which was written by Neghar & Roman together, which I'm also loving. I'm thinking once that's done, I'd like to tackle Roman's Omega Program. It's already on my shelf, ready to go.

And that's the story on what I've done for exercise.

Both sides of this story - both nutrition and exercise - have a couple of common threads, which I think have been key to making and maintaing a lifestyle transformation.

Key #1: The quickest way to get taller is to stand on the shoulders of giants. 

All along, I have been seeking out communities through which I could learn new things. Through MyFitnessPal, I discovered marksdailyapple and Couch to 5K.  The group coaching program through Fitocracy introduced me to an entirely new world of fitness teachers and inspirations. 

I follow dozens of workout and recipe blogs, I collect meal and workout ideas on Pinterest, and I found so many like-minded and inspirational folks through social media sites like Instagram. Podcasts, and YouTube subscriptions. So many people out there, with similar goals, and knowledge to share - all there for the taking.

Key #2: Trust your gut, and be open to changing course based on those instincts. 

I once thought that butter and bacon could never be a part of a healthy lifestyle. I once thought that the only effective exercise for weight loss was hours of daily cardio. Had I stuck blindly to those ideas, I surely would have failed again. 

I had to keep trying until I found what worked for me. I had to be okay with changing my plans - and accept that "switching course" doesn't equate to "quitting". I'll never maintain something if I hate doing it.

And "what works for me" is sometimes a moving target, so that willingness to switch things up can never expire. To this day, I experiment with different macro ratios and meal timings. I change my workout programs to reflect evolving fitness goals.

"How I Did It" is still how I do it. I keep learning and trying new things, ditching the stuff that's not working, and pursuing that which serves my strong, healthy, happy life.

Coming soon: How I Did It - Part 2: How I Addressed the Mental and Emotional Issues to Lose Over 150 Pounds 

Continuing the Story

I haven't posted anything here in just over a year - which is when I had my skin removal surgery and posted the night-before video. Rather than apologize or make excuses, I'm just going to start posting again now.

I recently participated in an incredible 14-day mindset/body-love/active acceptance challenge called the Bikini Rebellion. This was conceived and led by the amazing Neghar Fonooni, she of "Eat, Lift and Be Happy". During this challenge, Neghar would email with a topic each day, on which we Bikini Rebels could reflect, and - if we wanted - journal and post about it on Instagram with the hashtag #bikinirebellion.

These 14 days were life-changing for me. I gained so much perspective, and I found an incredible community of supportive and amazing badass women. I also loved the journaling aspect, and wrote some things that I want to post here as well.  One of those posts was around the theme "My body has a story, and that story is mine alone to tell." For that day's post, I wrote the chapter of my body's story that picks up right after my skin removal surgery and goes through to where I am now. I think that's the perfect way to pick up this blog again. So here it is. :)

#bikinirebellion Day 4. First I want to say how incredibly moved, affected, inspired, empowered, overwhelmed-with-gratitude I am for this movement. @negharfonooni – you are a life-changer. THANK YOU.

So, today’s InstaChallenge: “Tell us your body’s story! Your story is yours alone to tell.”

I have to laugh, because I was so on-fire with inspiration from all you awesome #bikinirebels that I posted twice to yesterday’s challenge, and the second post was a photo documenting the first two photos posted here today. However, the “after” photos in yesterday’s post (the middle ones above) were taken just over a year ago, shortly before I had surgery to remove the excess skin around my midsection that came with losing half of my body weight. I haven’t updated my “Then/Now” photo since that surgery. That’s the part of my body’s story that I want to tell for today’s challenge.

A year ago, at the time that middle photo above was taken, I had lost so much weight. So much body fat. I’d been in a caloric deficit for 3 years. Never starving myself – just always in deficit. And consistently training – be it with weights, or for races up to and including a half-marathon – for the entirety of that time in deficit. So I was in pretty much my leanest physical shape ever. And that left an amount of skin around my midsection that was very uncomfortable, and limiting. There was so much skin hanging off the front of my body that for every single workout I did, I had to wear Spanx that covered from just below my bra to my midthigh. I needed that much compression in order to be able to workout. Every time. I wish there’d been a way for me to get rid of that skin through nutrition and exercise, because that’s how I’d lost the weight. But there wasn’t. So I had the skin removal surgery.

I shot a video of all the extra skin the night before my surgery, and went into detail on my thoughts on my body’s changes, and my decision to have surgery. I also talked about how I loved my body right at that moment – extra skin and stretch marks and all. Here's the link to that video, if anyone would like to see it.

So after the surgery, I spent 3 months recovering, with only walking as exercise, and only during the third of those months. I had been careful nutritionally, but I was also eating more calories, because I knew at that time my body needed to be fed well to heal. I lost strength, and muscle, and that was expected and fine. But I didn’t update my “Then/Now” photo. I wanted to wait until I had time to get back to the iron and build some muscles back up.

The program I chose to do that was actually Neghar's amazing kettlebell program, "Lean & Lovely" and it was fantastic. Within a couple of months, #LnL had me back to that level of pre-surgery leanness. And yet I didn’t update the “Then/Now” photo at that time either. I remember thinking that I wanted to be “just a little bit better”. So silly.

After that, I decided to try a bulking program, and I had difficulty adjusting to caloric surplus. In hindsight, I should have spent more time at a maintenance level, and learned what that felt like. I’d spent so long in deficit, and had gotten so good at it, and a gradual approach would have been smarter. But I was hot in pursuit of the next challenge. I love my go-get-it-ness; I am a woman of action. In this particular case, my enthusiasm meant that I put on some bodyfat with the muscle. I’m not upset about that – it’s just this part of my body’s story. I’ll lean out again if and when that’s what I decide to pursue.

And that’s where I am now in the story, and I decided that my Then/Now photo should reflect that – and so I took the photos on the right above. Yes, I have a softness to my body right now. And I also have great posture, and visible musculature and a sweet, sweet booty. :) ***Please*** notice that I said "AND", not "BUT". I'm not quantifying good parts and bad parts because they're ALL good parts. There is no part of me that is bad. I was very, very sad for a very, very long time when I catalogued good and bad parts. I have no "bad" parts. I'm a rockstar. I'm a motherfucking superhero.

Even before my surgery, I already was so happy and in love with what my body can do, so none of that cataloging of parts and pieces has seemed important anymore. I want to spend my time and energy on other things. I want to keep being able to do with this amazing body whatever it is that I feel moved to pursue. I will always have stretch marks. And now I will always have scars. And I give exactly zero fucks about either. Truly. To clarify, I’m not saying that nothing about my body ever causes me to give fucks. But stretch marks and scars are not among those things. They are my badges of honor. They boldly document my journey from self-hate and unhappiness to self-love, and acceptance, and empowerment, and JOY. 

Because that’s what it’s about. I use my body to pursue things that give me joy. That joy sometimes means pursuing feats of strength with determination, sometimes it means pursuing relaxation, and family time, sometimes it means working on personal growth... And lots of other pursuits of joy. During each of those times, I know my body's appearance will reflect each pursuit. Sometimes it will be leaner. Sometimes it will be softer. That fluctuation is barely a footnote in what I want to be the story of my life.

There's so much freedom found in just letting go and enjoying the ride.

#loveyourself #youdeserveit #eatliftandbeHAPPY #becausemuscles #transformation #bikinirebellion

Beginning :)

I have always loved beginnings - they stir feelings of hope and determination and possibilities for greatness. Like I'm *really* excited about starting this site - and I chose today for the first post because it's the 3-year anniversary of another beginning for me.  

March 21, 2011 was my Day 1. (Of course, it wasn't my first Day 1, not by a long shot. Like pretty much every chronically overweight-to-obese person, I started over many times - I'd find a way to lose some weight, and then eventually I'd always fall off the wagon and gain it all back - and then some.) And there I was, on March 21, 2011, after a dangerously unhealthy number of "and-then-some"s, promising myself that this was going to be the time that I was really going to lose the weight - all of it - and lose it for good. That morning, I took these photos:

Even though I never planned to share them, I still couldn't bear to allow my face in the frame. It was so hard to look at myself like that.

I weighed 333 pounds.

*shudder*

That's a really whole lot of pounds. That's a Biggest-Loser/Extreme-Makeover:Weightloss-Edition lot of pounds. 

I was certainly diabetic, but I wasn't treating it, because I was too ashamed to go to the doctor and have a physical. I couldn't face an actual, official diagnosis. But I had started to feel tingling in my toes, and I knew what that meant. And it terrified me.

Because my Dad is a Type 2 diabetic. And right at about the time I started feeling tingling in my toes, he started losing his. Diabetes is a motherfucker, you see, and once it gets bad, it gets *really* bad. My Dad had burned his feet on the hot sand at the beach, and one of them just wouldn't heal. It got infected, and it got worse, and then they started cutting off his toes. Eventually, he lost his leg to the knee, and then they amputated most of the other foot, too. And in the middle of this, his kidneys failed, and he started on dialysis, and to this day, he's still waiting for a kidney transplant.

He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes when he was 40 years old. And on March 21, 2011, I was less than a year away from my 40th birthday, I was 333 pounds, and my toes were tingling. I remember thinking that I was running out of time.

Three Years Later - Today: March 21, 2014: The 3-Year Anniversary of Day 1. This morning, I took these pictures:

Here, I'll save you the scrolling:

Over 155 pounds separates the 2 sets of photos, but truthfully, that's the smallest piece that's changed between Day 1 and now. On Day 1, I saw my body as a prison that I would never be able to escape, and I saw myself as weak and gluttonous and undisciplined and lazy. On Day 1, I was overflowing with shame, and regret, and unhappiness, and my weight was a reflection of that.

Today, on the 3-Year Anniversary of Day 1, I'm now the happiest person I know. Healthy and fit, yes, but more than that - I'm *free*. I thought I was on a journey to weight loss through nutrition and exercise, but what I actually found was a roadmap for living a life of power, peace and joy. Turns out I'm not weak - I'm a real-life Superhero. And my body is no prison - it's a motherfucking Rocketship. :)

I did it all through healthy eating and exercise. No weight-loss surgery, no appetite-suppressants, or fat-burners, or any other pill or potion. I lost the first 100 pounds in less than 7 months, and I did it exercising on my own, without joining a gym. By the time I'd been at it a year, I had lost 146 pounds. And in the 2 years since then, I've learned to turn a yo-yo-dieting cycle into a maintainable healthy lifestyle. 

Now I'm on a mission to help others transform, too. I know that I've collected valuable insights and experiences along the way - about nutrition, and cooking, and calories vs. macros; about bodyweight exercises, and cardio, and lifting heavy weights; and most importantly, about recovery from food addiction, and finding lasting motivation, and finally allowing self-forgiveness. This site is for sharing those things that I've learned - the "how-I-did-it"; not just recipes and workouts, but also about how I made all of the physical-emotional-mental changes, and how I made them stick. 

It's an exciting new beginning. 

:)

Amy

Happy Superhero, Fit Rocketship 

     

That Time I Ran a Half-Marathon (October 7, 2012)

*I originally posted this on my Facebook page, the day that I ran the Diva Half-Marathon. I'm posting here, unedited.*

I ran a half marathon today. The whole thing. I've only ever completed a 10K race before, and I only got up to 7 miles in my training for this event before the summer heat and life's happy distractions derailed my training schedule. So I was definitely not conditioned for this, but I decided to participate and do my best, and probably walk a good deal of it.

At the start, I thought I'd run the first 5K or so, and then switch to run/walk intervals. Once I finished that distance, I decided to go a little further and shoot for 5 miles running. Then half the race. Then I thought I'd aim to best my previous longest run of 7 miles. Then I figured it would be awesome if I could run 10 miles. And then... I just decided that I was going for the whole damn thing.

My knee started to ache a bit around mile 5, and by mile 10 it was truly painful. But by then I was too close to give up, so I used the long-sleeved underarmour shirt that was tied around my waist as a knee brace, tied around my leg at the knee for some makeshift Macgyver'd support. And through sheer will and determination, I gritted my teeth and kept going, ignoring the pain as best as I could, and counting off the remaining miles.

When I came around the last curve and saw the finish line, I was surprised by how emotional I became. I started crying, and that's how the photographer snapped my image as I crossed the line - arms raised in triumph, my shirt wrapped around my knee, and tears on my cheeks.

13.1 miles. Wow.

I guess I really *can* do anything I set my mind to.